To Blog or not to Blog

????????????????????????????????????????????

Both writing and journaling have been keys to my sanity and ability to stay grounded over the years. I find if and when I get away from writing I lose touch with myself. Guess what? I have not been making journaling a priority! So I decided what better way to work on my writing and take care of myself all at the same time than to reach out to an audience and share with others via a blog? I have been thinking about this for three years. Seriously. And I am finally doing it. Yikes!

I must admit that there is some fear and a little excitement to starting this new venture. The age old questions of whether one is any good, if people will love and accept the honesty and totality are bound to come up. But in reality, it doesn't really matter because it is as much about the process as anything else. Actually, this time it is REALLY about the process. Over the years, I have often tested the waters of a new relationship by sharing a poem or essay and gauging the response. Why should this online relationship be any different? So be prepared for vulnerability. 

My journal entries over the years have been vast. They have also been on whatever lose leaf paper or spiral binder I could find at the time. It didn't matter if it was lined 8 1/2 by 11 or blank 4 by 6. Sometimes, I used an actual journal meant for journaling. Imagine that? Luckily, I decided early on (in middle school) to date all of my writings and poems. It made it a little bit easier to decipher a timeline of the drama of my childhood and teenage years when I had to clear it all out of my parents house after college. This habit of dating things, instead of naming them, made it easy to name and file my entries when I began journaling in Word documents after college, as well. Now, here I sit. No longer with a pen and random scraps of paper, not even in a Word document, but journaling just the same.

I hope to use this blog to share pieces of my journey as I rediscover myself. I really feel that we lose or bury much of ourselves in order to survive childhood (and this is coming from someone who had a fairly normal childhood).  No abuse, lots of love & sibling rivalry. The toughest thing was my move across the country at 14. I have been in this process, mindfully, on and off since 6th grade. Yet, I know this rediscovering, this remembering is a life-long process - ongoing. My hope is that blogging & sharing will add something to the process that a private journal cannot offer: witnessing & connection. 

The topics of this blog will be far and wide; such is life. However, I am especially venturing out on a scary limb with the first series of posts I will be sharing. I have never felt comfortable in my body growing up. Interesting, because I was the skinny girl. And was blonde and kind of cute. I don't think many women grow up comfortable in their bodies in the US, regardless. I always felt awkward. I even felt awkward knowing that my skinniness made other woman feel awkward. I also felt ungraceful and lacking style. I grew up on hand-me-downs and thrift stores, before it was cool. So the beginnings of this blog will be me venturing out to find my personal style. As an adult I know it is there. I'm doing this by participating in Kendi Everyday's 30 for 30 Remix challenge. I also hope to share my relationship with my self and body in other ways; through movement, food and definitely creativity (or my now unhidden fear that I do not have any).

Andréa